I used to be really scared. I would only lead things that I’d successfully toproped – like, I had to send the thing on toprope before I would lead it. If I attempted a new route on lead – regardless of the grade – I would melt down.
I couldn’t get from the bottom of a new 10a to the top on lead, even after I had redpointed 5.12.
The point I’m trying to get across here is that I was about as scared as you can be. I was the most scared person I knew, at least. And it only seemed to get worse: the better I got at climbing, the more scared I became.
I tried everything to fix my head. I read books. I asked random fearless strangers at the crag how they did it. I attended fear of falling workshops by pro climbers. I experimented. Nothing worked. This eventually reached a sort of tipping point where I was so sick of being scared that I decided to talk to a coach. By this point, I didn’t know if there was any hope for me and my head.
Fast-forward to now, and I’m not scared anymore. It’s kind of crazy. Getting a coach was the best decision I ever made for my climbing. So I thought I’d give an honest review of the process of getting un-scared. I’m hoping that if you’re scared, this will help you believe that it can get better.
Finding a coach
I reached out to Lauren at Good Spray Climbing after running into her at a crag in Lander and reading her blog, in which she basically plucked the thoughts from my head. Lauren (who doesn’t do mental coaching) referred me on to her mental coach: Karly at Project Direct Coaching.
FYI: I have no affiliation with Karly or Project Direct. This is an honest account of my experience as an athlete on their roster – I’m not receiving anything for this review.
Karly and I got on a call. I said something like this: “I’m really scared and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like I’ve exhausted all the options I can find and nothing worked. Can you help me?” And she was like “yes, definitely”. I felt super relieved – I guess some irrational part of me was expecting to be beyond help. So I signed up for Headpoint Training: a three-month custom program. I paid $666.90 upfront (I got a discount for paying in bulk instead of monthly).
The program was separated into two-week blocks with on-rock tasks and journaling that would be discussed in our 60-minute Zoom calls. Now, I think it’s important to say that I went into this with 100% commitment. I was like “I’m going to do anything and everything this woman tells me to do and give this thing a real chance for the full three months”. I didn’t half-ass anything: I got all my shit done on time and I gave my absolute best effort to every task assigned to me.
I told myself that I would assess what I got out of the program at the end only and commit fully to the thing. Which is what I did.
Working with a coach
First things first: Headpoint Training was a lot of work. I prioritized it over everything else in my climbing. Every session, I would get my homework done first, and then climb what I wanted if I had time and energy. And that was a big if: often, I would be so mentally exhausted that I wouldn’t be able to do anything after homework.
This sounds pretty terrible – I can see that. But nothing comes for free. I really wanted to improve my head game, and I was willing and prepared to put in the work in order to do so. I kind of likened it to training for a marathon. You would never expect to just get up and run that distance without putting in serious work to get your body ready. I was training my mind, and it was hard.
Near the beginning, my on-rock homework was to give two onsight attempts a day on easy climbs. The grade didn’t matter, nor did the outcome. All that mattered was that I tried. Sometimes it would take me an hour to climb the route. Sometimes I would cry. Sometimes I would take and bail – or stick-clip my way up.
On Rico Sauve at the New River Gorge, I climbed to the third bolt, got scared, and downclimbed to the ground, where I had a small meltdown. I managed to get back on and send the thing, but it was messy. I’m sure you can imagine that it was pretty hard to work on limit-level projects after doing this stuff every day.
The good stuff: Results
Coaching changed my whole relationship with climbing. My objective was to learn how to manage my fear, but I got so much more out of it than that. Turns out, every part of climbing has a mental component – and my head was letting me down across the board. Here are some of the things I used to have problems with.
- Confidence
It’s really, really hard to climb things when you don’t believe you can, and I had absolutely zero confidence. - Try-hard
I really struggled to actually try hard – when I would send things that were hard for me, people would tell me it looked effortless. - Bouldering
I was pretty bad at bouldering – boulders can be quite aggressive, and I just couldn’t hang. - Conditions
I couldn’t climb with people watching at all, and I always wanted my surroundings to be silent (a tall order). - Beta reading
I was bad at figuring out efficient sequences – I’d just make everything heinous and then assume I was too weak.
Each and every one of these things (and more) has gotten exponentially better since I got a coach. As I worked on fear management, all the other pieces fell into place – they’re all connected. I am a totally different climber now than I was before coaching: my head is better, my performance is better, and I have more fun.
Since “graduating”, so to speak, I haven’t been able to get out and make the most of my new skills yet – I’ve been busy getting my life in order to move to Vegas (check). So as for how this affects the grades I can climb, I’d say the best is yet to come. But I did send two New River Gorge 12as and one 12b in a single week. So that was pretty cool.
I can definitively say that I am a better climber now. I climb with confidence and try harder. I boulder. I climb at crowded crags and come up with good beta. Everything feels much easier, and I’m excited to get out, start some new projects, and see what I can do.
Final thoughts
For me, the pros of coaching far outweighed the cons. It was a lot of work, but you get out what you put in – and it paid off big time. As for the money, I would have paid five times as much for the results that I got.
If you want to work on your head, you have the cash, and you’re willing to put in the time and effort, I would highly recommend coaching – and Karly specifically.
If you have any questions about my coaching experience, I’m happy to answer them! I’ve had a lot of people ask me about it in real life, and it’s totally cool to do the same here. You can DM me on Instagram or send me an email – and if you liked this post, subscribe to the 5.12 And Beyond newsletter below to be the first to know when I publish new stuff.
Image credits: Ryman Wiemann
Thanks for your blog, nice to read. Do not stop.